HEAR ME OUT AT ONCE
My name is Nandirr. I’m 21 years old and I
have done 7 abortions. But before you judge me, you might want to know my
story.
I am the first child and the only daughter of
a family of four. In my family, it is almost useless to have a daughter. I grew
up with so much hatred around me. My mother has always cursed me referring to
me as the reason my father hates her because he wanted a son and I turned out
to be a girl and a first born for that matter. Growing up, my father hated
seeing me. I didn’t go to places he was; I didn’t eat from the same plate with
the rest of the family, I wasn’t allowed to say my name with my surname, I wasn’t
taken to school like any other child and many other things I am trying to
forget now. All I did was house chores. The best thing I knew was to work like
a donkey. At age 5, I started cooking and cleaning, working like a slave. No
one ever showed me love. My brothers are as misogynist as our father was. They
addressed me the same way our father did and showed no compassion towards me.
When I was 11 years old, my body started
forming and all my curves started to show gradually. When I was 12, my father
ordered my mother to burn all my dresses and buy me only wrappers because he
said my body was beginning to annoy him. My hips started growing wild and my
breasts too. A day didn’t pass without him bullying and body shaming me. As if
my body likes his bullying, it started growing faster. As days went by, my
father started harassing me. He would bully me by touching my body. He would
talk about my breasts that it wasn’t actually breasts but just skin and fats
and for this reason he would be controlling what I eat. He would press on it. It
used to be so painful because I actually started having breasts around that
time and normally would be painful.
One day, my father came into my room around
what would have been 3am. I wasn’t sleeping because a man came earlier that
night introduced to me as my future husband. Seeing how my father treats my
mother, I started feeling scared for myself. So, I stayed up all night crying.
I thought he heard me sobbing and was there to beat me up as usual. He came up to
me and sat on my bed. I was so terrified at seeing him in my room. He never
stepped in that room. To my surprise, he came in sounding nice. Without asking
me why I was crying, he said:
‘’I am here to test you and see if you are
ready to be a wife or not.’’
As terrified as I was of my father, I did
everything he asked without questioning. He asked me to remove my clothes, he
laid me on the ground and had his way through me. All I remember that night was
pain. I felt so much pain that I passed out. I was covered in blood.
Immediately I gained consciousness, he had his normal stern and wicked voice
back and ordered me to clean up and not tell anyone what happened and he then
left. I got up immediately and started cleaning the ground covered in blood. I
can’t remember how I slept. I woke up sick that morning with a swollen face but
nobody cared. I was struggling to even move my legs and do my normal chores but
no one seemed to care. As usual, my father and brothers giving endless
commands.
My father later rejected the man who came
for my hand in marriage claiming the man is not responsible enough. 3 other men
came and he rejected them on different grounds whilst he slept with me every
night. I then started seeing my period. My hips got broader and that made my
father wilder. He would sometimes sleep with me twice daily. I got pregnant the
first month I started seeing my period and he sent the rest of the family to go
visit his family. I stayed home with him. He mixed herbs and asked me to drink.
It was a dirty and smelly concoction. He forced me to drink it and hours later the
pregnancy was aborted. I can’t explain the amount of pain I felt. I couldn’t
believe I would survive that. Due to severe pain and bleeding, I did not open
my eyes for two days. I couldn’t walk for nearly a week and I had to go through
this same thing 6 more times. He did the same things during all seven of my
pregnancies in 3 years. My father aborted all my pregnancies before he brought
me contraceptives and since then abused me even more.
I hated him more than I hate anything in my
life. A sight of him feels like I was eating my own heart. So painful. So
bitter. I swear I could have eaten that man alive if I had the power. I have
been through hell and I mean it. Sometimes I ask myself why me. At my age,
going through so much pain with no one to talk to, no one who cares about me.
Hear me out because this will be the last
time I think about that beast. When I was 17, he came to my room that same
night. he was there to sleep with me again, to reap me off my innocence, what
he didn’t know was I had a knife with me which I carefully wrapped under my wrapper
when I was washing bowls with my mother that night. he came closer, robbing my
entire body, mercilessly pressing my breasts and buttocks. He took my wrapper
and stuffed it in his mouth claiming that he was so horny and would do that so
other would not hear him mourn. I smiled at that because things were about to
go my way. Immediately he had stuffed the cloth in his mouth, I stabbed him
five deep ones and as fast as I could. I left the knife in his stomach and put
his hand on it and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up that morning, his body
was still there. I screamed and everyone came into my room. Soon after the
police came in too. My mother was the first to speak to them. I literally was
dumb that day. I didn’t believe I did that. When I sat to talk to the police,
my mother came in with a suicide note from my father. The letter explained that
my father committed suicide because he was ashamed of having sexual intercourse
with his daughter.
Later that day, I was taken from the house
to a temporary Placement Centre to recover. After 4 months of not seeing my
family, my mother showed up on my final day at the placement Centre. She gave
me some money and asked me to go find a new life. She apologized for not
standing by me because she was equally powerless. She said she saw me that day
when I was hiding that knife and she knew exactly what I was going to use it
for and it was after washing the bowls with me that she went in her room, took
a paper and wrote that letter of suicide she claimed was from my father. I
cried my eyes out that day. I cried so much that I thought I would die. A woman
I hated so much for not standing by me all my life saved my life. She notices
my pain. I didn’t have any idea that my struggles are hers too.
My mother and I made peace, we moved to
another city and started life all over again where my brothers got the chance
to go to school, learn new ways and become better men. I am 21 years old today
and I am a fine thick woman. My body seems to interest a lot of people and I
now work as a model making good money for myself and my family. It was a little
late to go to school so I hired a personal tutor and I'm doing just fine.
I have missed so much on life but I'm ready
to live the rest of my moments like I'm the only one in this stage called earth
and have the world hear me out at once.
Blie wolie talie I don't even know what to write ALLAH knows due heart touching 😭 my tears are coming out and start giving me headache, this is inhumane the father is heartless please my advice to the survivor please let her keep Sabr (patience) and leave everything in the hand of Allah 🤞 as he's in control of everything in this dun'ya and hereafter. Please my innocent lady don't leave in the past open a new page as you already start. Let it be a lesson learned to you to protect and prevent your child from facing such in life and others 😭😭😭 you're love
ReplyDeleteI felt this deep in my heart 💔.🥹Such a heartless father. I pray the victim find ways to forget this trauma . Let nothing stop you to move on with your life peacefully, do not think too much as it will affect your mental health. Focus on your growth. May Allah grant you Sabr🤲
DeleteMy heart bleeds as I read through this knowing that this almost unbelievable tragedy happened. I wish your mom had the courage to take actions earlier in her life but I have never been in her shoe so what do I know. I applaud you for your strength because you are stronger than most people I know. I hope you find more peace and abundant love. Forgiving your mom and your brothers is how you get to start to move on so congratulations sis you are on the right track. I pray Ya Allah protect every child from every going through something this ugly.
DeleteI’ve read all 3 stories and honestly I’m impressed. Your choices of words and they’re so Gambian contextualized.
ReplyDeleteThese are issues women face and the transfer of abuse from mother to daughter still prevails. We may not get to talk about these issues with affected individuals on a regular basis but they’re here. I’m saying so in confidence because I once had a survivor who had a similar story just that hers, there were no killing.
Incest is happening in 2 out of every 5 households in this country
😭😭😭😭😭 heart touching
DeleteWhat a touching story
ReplyDeleteThis is so emotional and something that so many youths have experienced during childhood. Let’s advocate for mental health plus parent children relationship.
ReplyDeleteThis is paralyzing. These things must be exposed!
ReplyDeleteSad stories😭😭
ReplyDeleteMany girls are faced with such circumstances and I pray that they find the strength to be able to recover from such trauma. That's why we don't have to judge people who behave in an abnormal ways. Let's spread Love and Kindness because everyone is fighting a silent battle that Allah knows best. We remain hopeful that the world will be better for young girls and women.
ReplyDelete😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Boss you’re making me a better service provider as a social worker😩😩😩😩😩 yaw yalnah yallah fyeh sa kholl
ReplyDeletethe story writer is an amazing person blie
ReplyDeleteHi Aunty how are you? The story is so interesting,its happening now a days thanks for the share I really appreciate it
ReplyDeleteso heart touching and I wish this can be use as a role play for people to watch and understand more about G.B.V and what others are going through
ReplyDeleteSo touching!😭😭
ReplyDeleteOh the story is heart touching and educative.
ReplyDeleteIndeed you are amazing👍🙏📙
We need to get loud silence on the radios 🥹 Imagine how much awareness this can create in our communities. We live with such people every day and most at times, we are aware of them. But we see people choosing to gossip about it than actually help these victims.
ReplyDeleteWaw great and touching
ReplyDeleteI can’t wait to hear loud silence on radio talk shows
ReplyDeleteDeep and heart wrenching.
ReplyDeleteSuch a bad bad father he was but Alhamdulilah, but just to tell you that there 100 more out there suffering the same
ReplyDeleteWow it’s indeed a touching story the grace of God will continue to be with you ❤️
ReplyDeletewaw I felt it from the dept of my heart, one needs to learn from this
ReplyDeleteIt’s heartbroken knowing that our very own fathers can change us in to something we are not. Am glad you fought for yourself and were able to liberate your mother as well. No one deserves to die like that but he deserved what he got. No girl child deserves to be maltreated
ReplyDeleteTouching and interesting story. A lot of people out there are suffering in silence 🔕 😕 😪. People should learn to speak up to avoid such act of terror going too far.
ReplyDeleteAm just so very sad after reading this story of yours,I felt like it was me,you made the right decision dear, live happily and enjoy your life.
ReplyDeleteOh. This is a heart touching story. I really felt it. Trust me, many people are going through such situations in their lives.
ReplyDelete